Finding Light in the Darkness: How to Deal with Grief and Loss
Grief is one of the most profound and personal experiences we can face in life. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a cherished dream, grief comes in many forms—and no two people experience it in exactly the same way. Though it's deeply painful, grief is also a natural and necessary part of healing. Through-out this article we will explore practical and compassionate ways to navigate grief and loss, helping you move through the pain while honouring who or what you have lost.
Understanding Grief: It’s Not A ‘One Size Fits All’ Process
The first step in dealing with grief is understanding what it really is. Grief is the emotional response to loss, and it can manifest in many ways—sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, even numbness. Contrary to popular belief, grief isn’t a linear journey with a clear endpoint. Instead, it often comes in waves, with highs and lows that can feel unpredictable.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, it's important to know that not everyone goes through these stages in order—or at all. Grieving is highly personal.
Some people find themselves stuck in a particular phase for a long time, while others may skip some stages entirely. And sometimes, you go through a stage of grief more than once.
Common emotional experiences include:
Shock and disbelief – A feeling of numbness, or that the loss isn’t real.
Anger – This can be directed at yourself, others, or the situation itself.
Guilt – Wishing you had done things differently, or said something more.
Despair – A deep sense of sadness or emptiness.
Relief – Especially if the loss followed prolonged suffering, which can bring complex feelings.
Understanding that these emotions are valid, and in some cases necessary can help you be more compassionate with yourself and others during the grieving process.
Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment
One of the most important aspects of dealing with grief is giving yourself permission to feel—without censoring or judging your emotions. In a society that often values "moving on" quickly or "staying strong," it can be difficult to fully embrace the depth of your pain. But suppressing grief doesn’t make it go away; it only prolongs the healing process.
Ways to express your feelings:
Journaling: Writing out your thoughts and emotions can provide an outlet for expression and clarity.
Talking it out: Confiding in a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you feel heard and supported.
Creative expression: Art, music, dance, or other creative outlets can help you process feelings in ways words sometimes can't.
It's also okay to cry—or not cry. Grief expresses itself differently in everyone. There is no "right way" to grieve.
Build a Support System: You Don’t Have to Go It Alone
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, especially when others seem to be moving on with their lives. But connection is a key part of healing. Reaching out for support doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human.
Support systems include:
Friends and family: Let them know what you need, whether it’s someone to talk to or just quiet companionship.
Support groups: Talking to others who are going through similar losses can help you feel less alone.
Therapists or counsellors: Professionals trained in grief support can offer valuable guidance and coping strategies.
Sometimes, friends and family may not know how to help, or they may unintentionally say hurtful things like “they’re in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason.” If this happens, try to remember that most people mean well—they simply don’t know what to say. Setting boundaries about what is or isn’t helpful is perfectly okay.
Take Care of Your Body While Healing Your Heart
Grief doesn’t just affect your emotions—it also impacts your physical health. You might notice changes in sleep, appetite, energy levels, or immune function. That’s why self-care is very important during times of loss.
Ways to care for yourself:
Sleep: Try to maintain a regular sleep schedule, even if you’re struggling to fall or stay asleep. A short nap during the day can also help restore your energy.
Nutrition: Eat small, balanced meals even if you don’t feel hungry. Grief can affect your appetite, but your body still needs nourishment.
Movement: Light physical activity like walking, yoga, or stretching help release endorphins and improve your mood.
Hydration: Drinking water helps your body function properly and reduces fatigue.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about supporting yourself in small, meaningful ways. Even small acts of self-care are a step toward healing.
Find Meaning and Honor the Loss
Eventually, as the sharpest pain of grief begins to soften, many people find healing in creating meaning from their loss. This doesn’t mean pretending the loss was “meant to be” or trying to explain it away. Instead, it’s about honouring the love, the memories, and the impact of who or what was lost.
Ways to find meaning include:
Creating rituals: Light a candle, visit a meaningful place, or hold a personal ceremony to commemorate your loved one or loss.
Volunteering: Giving back to a cause connected to your loss can help you feel empowered and connected.
Storytelling: Share stories, write a memoir, or create a scrapbook that keeps the memories alive.
Spiritual practice: For some, prayer, meditation, or connecting with spiritual beliefs offers peace and creates a sense of stability.
Finding meaning doesn’t erase the pain, but it can provide a sense of purpose and direction as you move forward.
Embrace the New Normal: Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
One of the most difficult aspects of grief is adjusting to life without the person, dream, or situation you’ve lost. Over time, you may begin to develop a “new normal.” This doesn’t mean forgetting who or what you have lost—it means finding a way to live with the absence while still moving forward.
Signs of healing include:
Moments of joy: Laughing, enjoying music, or being present in the moment again.
Reconnecting: Feeling able to rebuild social connections and engage with life more fully.
Making plans: Looking toward the future and setting goals again.
Remembering with peace: Remembering your loved one or loss with fondness, warmth, and tenderness instead of hurt, pain, and anger.
Grief may never fully disappear, but it often changes form. Instead of sharp agony, it may become a quiet ache or a soft memory. And that’s okay. Healing doesn’t mean that your love or your memories fade—it means you’ve found a way to carry them with you.
Final Thoughts
Grief is one of the hardest journeys we take, but you don’t have to walk it alone or without hope. By understanding your emotions, leaning on support, caring for your body, and eventually finding meaning, you can slowly begin to heal. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to feel broken. And it’s okay to believe that one day, joy will find its way back to you—not because you forget what you lost, but because you carry it with you in a new, gentle way.
You are stronger than you know. And even in grief, you are never truly alone.